You lay out the blocks, you count them together, and then you ask the question every parent asks. How many?
And she shuts down. Or shrugs. Or says a number she clearly does not believe, watching your face to see whether it was the right one.
Children can tell when you already know the answer
There are two kinds of questions in a house. The ones where you want to know something, like where did you put your shoe. And the ones where you already know, and you are checking whether she does.
Four-year-olds hear the difference immediately. Both of you just counted the blocks. You know there are six. So the question is not a question, and the only thing at stake is whether she gets it right in front of you.
That is the moment counting stops being a game, and it is most of what is going wrong at the table.
Say: let’s find out
Put yourself on her side of the problem. How many grapes are in here — I have no idea, let’s find out. Then count with her, out loud, and be visibly interested in the answer.
Nothing about the counting changes. Everything about who is being watched does.
Say: give me three
Turn the question into a job. Give me three forks. Get four socks out of the basket. Put two crackers on this plate.
This asks for more than how many does. She has to hold the number in her head, count as she goes, and stop at the right place. And because it looks like helping rather than answering, most children will do it long after they have started refusing to be quizzed.
It also gives you an honest answer. Four forks handed to you is not a guess made to please you.
Say: which one has more
Two small piles, one clearly bigger. Which one would you rather have.
She does not have to count anything, she cannot get it wrong, and she is doing the thing numbers are actually for. Comparing comes before counting for most children, and it survives a bad mood far better.
And when it is already a fight
Stop counting. Not for the evening — for a few days. Then start again somewhere that has nothing to do with the last argument: outside, on the way to the car, on the driveway with a piece of chalk. New place, no history.
Almost nothing about early math has to happen this week. The habit of walking away from the table before it turns into a fight is worth more than any number she reaches by Friday.
Free printable: Ori’s Stepping Stones — five floor tiles to cut out and lay in a line. A number path your child walks and counts out loud, one jump at a time.
No reading required · Prints clean in black and white · One task per page